?

Log in

[its ok because i dont really mean it] [entries|friends|calendar]
_JaneDoe_

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

to whom it may concern. [13 Mar 2006|12:12pm]
p.s.
im sorry about all the long winded venting journals. i feel much better now. ive just given up trying. thank you.
1 comment|post comment

[04 Mar 2006|06:46pm]
[ mood | DONT CARE ]

you called- didnt care
you told me i "ruined everything"- i laughed to myself and still didnt care
you told me you never wanted to talk to me again- didnt care
you told me to have a nice life- still, nothing
and then without saying goodbye because i didnt care -click- i hung up on you

and thought look- if you really are going to accuse me of ruining everything because youre a jackass and didnt tell your ex that i even existed and YOU accidently called her MY name, and YOU call me when shes not around and tell me that you miss me and vent your frustrations at me. and YOU call me crying and depressed that shes a heartless cunt [SUPRISE!!!] and tell me youve been thinking alot about me, and then amist the SOBBING you tell me youll call me back and I have the audacity to call you later that night and make sure youre alright?! What is WRONG with me. Ha, im not sorry that your crazy ass left me for her, and that you hate your life and that you hate her, and that you had to program me into your phone as "eric" so that she didnt think any girls were calling you because shes a controling bipolar freak of fucking alcoholic drug addicted nature who needs you to be a whipped son of a bitch. and lie about who you are and where youve been so that she wont blow a fuse on your ass and make you hate youre very existence. haha you two crazy ass kids deserve eachother. So go ahead baby, drink away your problems until your a 60 year old alcoholic living at bobs house with your abusive alcoholic girlfriend with your little retarted abused baby. With no job and no love and no affection or help from anyone because you did it to yourself. REMEMBER ME. cause you didnt deserve me, and you had me treating you like a king. and encouraging you to BE someone and DO something with your life. but im sorry. haha apparently thats not your style telling you youre a worthless piece of shit and that youre going to go NOWHERE in life and that i..haha and she can only say it best "i hope you get hit by a car?... and bleed to death on the side of the road". is the kind of attention you think you need. YEAH thats love for ya...good luck with that brett. NO, no. YOU, my friend. have an EXCELLENT life.

post comment

[10 Oct 2005|11:55pm]
stupid life.
stupid court.
stupid money.
stupid bootcamp.
stupid me.


when will all this bullshit be over. i just want to be happy again.
seriously.
2 comments|post comment

fall woo. [04 Oct 2005|10:13pm]
im staying this week at my moms house to keep her company while me dads in germany.
between probation and work and probation. im so screwed/
kill me.
i hope this week relaxes me. i miss my family so this should do some good.
*crosses fingers*
Some one take me to the cider mill. or come with me.
i no longer care who.
post comment

[06 Aug 2005|07:30pm]
yes, im still alive.

the end
2 comments|post comment

[23 Jan 2005|05:59pm]
my heart is still breaking.....what the heck is wrong with me.
i think im going to cry forever.
3 comments|post comment

[19 Jan 2005|12:30am]
i give up. period.
1 comment|post comment

[17 Jan 2005|04:45pm]
So when this first ended, you were positive you would want me back. I wonder where you stand on that now. It used to be the only thing that kept me smiling. Was thinking that you and i would be together again. But im not sure i even should get back together with you. everyone says im better off, though ive never listened to anyone elses opinion of "us". I know id take you back in a second just because i have a totally lack of good judgment. even though id lose friends, and respect from family, i still think id take you back and thats disgusting to me that i have let you take up so much of my heart. I dont want to like you anymore. and i guess its normal for me to feel this way, a year and a half is a long time to sacrifice everything to maintain a relationship, and it sucks that it was all in vein. everytime i talk to you i dont know what to say. its so awkward. i hate myself for losing you.



i hate myself for loving you.

side note. i give up on you. i was obviously wrong.
1 comment|post comment

[16 Jan 2005|10:52pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

no, i am smiling.

post comment

[14 Jan 2005|01:56am]
It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now
post comment

[13 Jan 2005|06:52pm]
well I've seen a thousand things in one place

but I stopped my counting when I saw your face

erasing memory I feel as though I've never seen your face there before

until I saw your eyes smiling back at me through my tears

I've been counting all these years

Now suddenly the thousand things I've seen were

nothing more than dreams of you and me



you and me quietly at a stand still

fortunately you will kiss me and I'll kiss you back...

the fact of the matter is that I don't know what the latter is

its that I always wanted to kiss you but,

I always wanted to run from you

Because I always wanted to miss you...

And that I've always wanted to come for you
1 comment|post comment

[12 Jan 2005|05:25pm]
[I don't know]
I'm torn and I'm tattered
2 comments|post comment

even if i doesnt ever mean anything, the thought of you still makes me smile today. [11 Jan 2005|01:53pm]
So yeah. I think ill be ok if i keep myself busy.
the past few days have been the worst days ever.
so things can only get better right?



Im never falling in love again.
what a waste of time pain in the ass.
2 comments|post comment

[10 Jan 2005|01:05am]
i knew id cry eventually.

i see it around me, i see it in everything
i could be so much more than this

i said my good byes, this is my sundown
im gonna be so much more than this
with one hand high, youll show them your progress
youll take your time...
but no one cares
(no one cares)
i need you to show me, the way from crazy
i want to be so much more then this
post comment

[01 Jan 2005|09:36pm]
You need to show me, the day from crazy....
i want to be so much more then this.
2 comments|post comment

[30 Dec 2004|03:32pm]
Sometimes i hate you and i want to punch you in the face.
seriously.
You are so rediculus. Im sorry i annoy you so much with my....whatever it is i feel for you anymore.
I hate my life.
amen.
1 comment|post comment

Hello. My name is angela, and im am officially the saddest person alive. [06 Dec 2004|11:39am]
[ mood | come back to me. ]

There are so many things that i want to say, so many questions that i need answers to. But youre gone. For now anyways.
But what i if i never get a chance to belong to you again?...Already i feel so hollow, and dead inside. All i do is cry, night and day. Cry myself to sleep, wake up in tears.
ever since friday i cant stop it. Every thought i have is of you, ever second of every minute of every day im reminded of you. Everything on the face of the planet reminds me of you.
Everyone apperently went out and got a champagne colored intrepid since friday, and drive it around. Every song that i love, i cant listen to because youve sung it to me. Every song i remember you whispering in my ear the words to the song, or brushing the hair behind my ear, or wiping a tear off my cheek, because some how, in those moments, everything was so perfect the only thing i could do was cry with happieness.
Now every song i hear is a love song about how a lover is gone. And whether or not they will ever see them again.
Im so broken inside. My whole body feels heavy, i just drag my feet every where i go, walking around is some kind of a daze. I dont want to accept what happened, but it did happen. And all i can do is cry.
I guess im going to see you on the 20th. And i guess you promised me we'd get back together. But every day im seperate from you, im falling apart.


Broken down, hungry for your love
you know how much i need it.

I wonder if you still wear the ring around your neck...I had to cover your pictures hanging on the wall...i think anymore ill have to take them down. And i put the beautiful perfect necklace that you got me back in its velvet box. It doenst feel right wearing it anymore. I took the rings off my finger, because they remind me of you. So here i am, in the middle of an open room, crying. I must look so patheic. I dont even want to wake up tomorrow. i didnt want to wake up today. But im glad i did, cause you called me. In the middle of my breath taking balling crying fit, my phone rang, and it was your amazing comforting voice on the other end. Telling me not to cry, and you told me that you loved me and you were coming to frankenmouth, and to nicole's wedding. I should have smiled, i should have been happy, because last time we talked you said you werent coming to either. And my heart broke again. Im not sure how much break one heart can stand, but i guess ill find out when it bursts.
Its like losing a best friend. I feel like i cant call you when im happy, or when im sad. I dont know what to say to you, if im allowed to tell you i love you. But you always end up saying first, and im so confused. I just want you to hold me. put my face in your hands, and kiss me. Because i need your lips, and your hands, and your voice, and your sarcastic sense of humor, and your songs, and your stubborn way of doing everything. I need you to say that you love me forever. Like you used to.
But maybe you dont love me forever anymore. maybe you never did, and ive been too niave to realize that you were just sweet nothings. But youve seen me through so much, and i you. We've gone through hell, and came out on top. You never left me through all of my problems, there has to be more here. We cant be giving up now. Not after everything. And if we are, im never falling in love again. I hate love.

2 comments|post comment

[24 Nov 2004|09:49pm]
i hate snow.
i hate it. i hate snow more then anything in the world
hate.

anyways. Happy Thanksgiving. Eat alot of turkey and get really sleepy. Thats my plan anyways.
seth is all excited. he wants me to "eat alot of food with him".
ill do my best..im sure.

i loathe snow.
2 comments|post comment

[11 Nov 2004|01:06pm]
My birthday is in 8 days. :)


ill be home this weekend. Give me a call if you want to do something.
ok thanks.
3 comments|post comment

[02 Nov 2004|03:34pm]
vote or ill kill you personally with my own two hands.


(vote for bush if youre REALLY cool)
14 comments|post comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]