|| come back to me.
There are so many things that i want to say, so many questions that i need answers to. But youre gone. For now anyways.
But what i if i never get a chance to belong to you again?...Already i feel so hollow, and dead inside. All i do is cry, night and day. Cry myself to sleep, wake up in tears.
ever since friday i cant stop it. Every thought i have is of you, ever second of every minute of every day im reminded of you. Everything on the face of the planet reminds me of you.
Everyone apperently went out and got a champagne colored intrepid since friday, and drive it around. Every song that i love, i cant listen to because youve sung it to me. Every song i remember you whispering in my ear the words to the song, or brushing the hair behind my ear, or wiping a tear off my cheek, because some how, in those moments, everything was so perfect the only thing i could do was cry with happieness.
Now every song i hear is a love song about how a lover is gone. And whether or not they will ever see them again.
Im so broken inside. My whole body feels heavy, i just drag my feet every where i go, walking around is some kind of a daze. I dont want to accept what happened, but it did happen. And all i can do is cry.
I guess im going to see you on the 20th. And i guess you promised me we'd get back together. But every day im seperate from you, im falling apart.
Broken down, hungry for your love
you know how much i need it.
I wonder if you still wear the ring around your neck...I had to cover your pictures hanging on the wall...i think anymore ill have to take them down. And i put the beautiful perfect necklace that you got me back in its velvet box. It doenst feel right wearing it anymore. I took the rings off my finger, because they remind me of you. So here i am, in the middle of an open room, crying. I must look so patheic. I dont even want to wake up tomorrow. i didnt want to wake up today. But im glad i did, cause you called me. In the middle of my breath taking balling crying fit, my phone rang, and it was your amazing comforting voice on the other end. Telling me not to cry, and you told me that you loved me and you were coming to frankenmouth, and to nicole's wedding. I should have smiled, i should have been happy, because last time we talked you said you werent coming to either. And my heart broke again. Im not sure how much break one heart can stand, but i guess ill find out when it bursts.
Its like losing a best friend. I feel like i cant call you when im happy, or when im sad. I dont know what to say to you, if im allowed to tell you i love you. But you always end up saying first, and im so confused. I just want you to hold me. put my face in your hands, and kiss me. Because i need your lips, and your hands, and your voice, and your sarcastic sense of humor, and your songs, and your stubborn way of doing everything. I need you to say that you love me forever. Like you used to.
But maybe you dont love me forever anymore. maybe you never did, and ive been too niave to realize that you were just sweet nothings. But youve seen me through so much, and i you. We've gone through hell, and came out on top. You never left me through all of my problems, there has to be more here. We cant be giving up now. Not after everything. And if we are, im never falling in love again. I hate love.